I was a people pleaser with regards to making decisions for almost half of my life. I disregard knowing myself and what I am capable of. I ignored the things I enjoyed doing to chase something I was not even sure of. I even forgot that I was made by God fearfully and wonderfully that with that awesome truth was a promise of His great plans for my life as well.
Being an only child in the family, I was used to being the center of attention from everyone. For that reason, I fear to make mistakes because I don’t want to disappoint the people around me. Therefore, I tend to follow a path where the river freely flows, not knowing the end of it, not even considering the what could and what ifs along the journey. But to my disappointment, despite following what others was expected of me, my greatest fear had surfaced and to my horror, my life became a mess. Failure had stumbled upon my way and I could do nothing to not experience it. I even failed not only once but many times. So, yes, I failed myself and most of all, I failed them all. I suddenly realized the reason why. All along my motivation was too shallow. It was only after giving other people something to talk about me. Although, I felt happy upon choosing to walk on it, eventually I got tired because somehow the motivation had died down, though not abruptly but gradually, piece by piece it was taken away from me. It was selfishly made by my human capability ignoring God’s will for me. At that point, I came to a crossroad where I was about to make a very difficult decision. It was a decision to do away with pleasing people with what I do and finally to go after the path I desired over a long time ago. After a lot of thinking, considering pros and cons, praying for guidance and listening to people for wisdom, I completely decided to pursue the whispers of my heart, to follow that dream I put to sleep long before, to go after my happiness, and to trust the magic of a new beginning.
This was a scary move, I may say, but I found my inner peace after I decided to voice it out. I felt the joy in my heart. The kind that I’ve been longing to possess since I began to understood life. It was like I gained freedom from a lifetime sentence in prison because I was granted pardon following repentance and good works. Suddenly, I was filled with hope. Despite disappointing people, especially my family once again, I felt no regrets. I started to envision myself chasing my very own dreams, instead. It was more fulfilling than I ever thought it would be. It even kept me hopeful every time I lay down to sleep to recharge for another day. And as I wake to witness the sunrise of a new day, my hope kept on uplifting me, though there were really some time of the day that I paused and questioned my decision once again. I was asking myself again and again if my turning away from what I’ve given up was the right decision. And the Lord saw the doubt that was slowly overwhelming me, thus, He reminded me, “Hey, be still.” I promptly composed myself and whispered, “You made this because God had affirmed what’s in your heart. You had asked the courage to stand for it, why doubt now?” That’s where faith strengthened me and made me believe totally of the greatness that is waiting for me ahead of this new journey.
Up to now, I am still facing the uncertain. I don’t know what is waiting ahead of me. All I see is a blurry reflection of future I am dreaming of. But I kept on believing that great things do take time. It involves a lot of work in my part as well as grace from the Lord. Worries, anxieties, doubts may continue to bring down my hope, but the Lord’s promise of victory is indescribable and so certain. With this, the Lord said in Jeremiah 29:11:
“For I know the plans I have for you to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Sure thing, I am going to a place where a promise of blessing awaits. It is probably the right time to trust the magic of a new beginning.